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Straight From The Mouth
The Morning Mouth's July Interview with Dave Ryan
(Reprinted by permission; Copyright © 2002 Talentmasters Inc.)

How many years now in Minneapolis?

Nine years, which in this business, is a career for a lot of people, and a very long time by anybody's standards. I've been very lucky, nine years.

How many different owners?

Okay, let me think... first of all, we were owned by a guy named Larry, who is very cool. Larry owned us and a couple of other radio stations, and a couple of local movie theaters. One of the perks, was that we had our own popcorn machine right there in the studio, which was really cool. Then we were bought by (I think) Chancellor, then it switched to AM/FM, and then it became Clear Channel, and that's what we've got for now. And what really sucks about Clear Channel, and you can print this, is they won't let us have a single fucking popcorn machine in the building, and that really sucks. I'm going right to Randy Michaels. I've called him like a dozen times, and left call. So Randy, if you read this, I want a popcorn machine.

I'll see to it that Mr. Michaels gets a copy of this issue. How many years do you have left on your contract?

Will you? Will you do that for me, please? And it's 3 years.

Where did you begin radio?

I started off at a religious station that I babysat the tapes for when I was back in high school. I would put on the tapes of the radio bible hour, and I would do my homework, and I would get on once in a while and give the forecast and station ID. I'd play whatever the religious tape was, and I would call my buddies, and say, "hey, dude, check this out - I'm about to do the forecast." And they'd be like "I'm not gonna listen to that station. That station blows." So, it was pretty much just me and a couple of old ladies that listened. And I had to feed the goat. Yes, there was a goat in the backyard. No kidding. And the goat's name was Rita. That was part of the job, feeding the goat. Then I graduated to an even more glamorous job working at a dying AM station back in 1980 through about '82. [It was] one of the last great AM [music] stations in Colorado, and they slowly died off. I finally got a job where there were 2 meters - and this was the coolest thing - there were 2 meters in the studio, one for the right channel, and one for the left channel.

I get excited thinkin' about it!

Man, that was mesmerizing. It was an actual FM station. And then I decided I wanted to do mornings. So, I went to do mornings in Las Vegas, at KLUC. I had never done mornings before, but I stole everything that our morning guy, Scott Thrower, ever did. My God - I said things the way he did, I said the same things he did, line for line, word for word, and it worked! So, I highly recommend finding somebody you really think is good, and steal everything they ever said or did...

Where was Scott?

He was the morning guy at KKFM in Colorado Springs.

Does Scott know about this?

He does, yes, he does. We laugh about it now.

Who do you steal from now?

Um, I steal from the guy you had on the cover last month, Frankie from Salt Lake City. I steal a lot of stuff from him.

Ya know, it's interesting you brought him up, because he brought up that in 1998, he went up to you and said "Hey, would you be my mentor?"

Yeah.

I think it's great how you've taken him under your wing. And now you steal from from him, too...

You know, there are guys like Frankie who I'm happy to help. Anyone would be happy to help a guy like Frankie, because he's so cool, and he would do it on his own, you know, without help. He's very appreciative and very grateful, and he's just a cool guy. But you know, you're right, and that's one of the things that everybody is kind of suffering through. We own a station about 60 miles south of here, but the only live show on the station is the afternoon show. That's the only live show. Everything else is either a cyber-jock or syndicated. It's kind of sad, because you're right - you get out of broadcasting school, or you want to get into broadcasting; it's very difficult to get a job. They're there, but it used to be that there was a jock for every shift, at every station. It just isn't that way, anymore. There is maybe one open shift at a station, and unless you're pretty good, you're probably not gonna get that job. So, yeah, it's difficult to break into.

Did you have a mentor?

I did, actually. I was lucky enough to have several. First of all, one of my big influences was Alan Berg, the talk show host in Denver who was shot. I used to listen to him back when I was in high school, I'd think "Wow, that's

what I really want to do." Dan Jackson, my first program directors, who is still in Colorado Springs, big influence. Taught me a lot about being professional, and taking the job seriously, but still having fun. Scott Thrower, huge influence. I would have never wanted to do mornings, had it not been for Scott Thrower. Chuck Finney, who is in Cincinnati now, and he was a big influence. [He] taught me, again, how to be professional and serious, yet have fun, and Dave Robbins from WNCI taught me all about the value of intensity. He was just great. Bill Richards taught me a lot about the science behind it. With all of these different guys, you know, kind of rubbing off on me, I really believe it's helped.

Given everything you were taught, combined with what you know now, what do you think are the most important ingredients of a successful show?

Okay, first of all, I think you have to really be willing to work hard. There's no way around it. You can be a really funny guy, and you can be creative, and you can be well-liked, but unless you're willing to work hard and put some real heart into it and sacrifice a lot of time, it's just probably not gonna happen for you. I know a lot of guys who are really creative, and really funny, but they don't want to put a lot of time into it, so it's not gonna happen. The other thing that is really important is cooperative, ya know, willing to bend a little bit, being positive. I think you also have to be creative; creative is really important. You have to be relatable. If you try to talk over your listeners' heads, and talk about how cool you are, the cool restaurants you go to, and the cool car collection that you have, or the cool trip that you took... even if you do all of that stuff, I think you've got to temper that, because you've got to realize that most of your listeners are probably living paycheck to paycheck. If you talk about how great you have it, I think that hurts you. The other thing is just kind of an "X" factor. That's just either ya get it, or you don't. When I hear a bit on the radio, or when I think of a bit that we're gonna do on the radio, I can hear it in my mind just the way... exactly how I want it to sound on the radio. I can visualize the bit in my mind.

How much of what you do on the air is planned versus unplanned?

I'd say probably 70% planned, and 30% unplanned. We plan out a lot of stuff that we throw away, that we never get to. We come in with an a--load of stuff. We come in with enough show prep to last about 3 weeks. We could be on the air for 3 weeks and never do the same bit twice, but a lot of it we throw out. And ya know, if something's happening, we may decide that we want to go with it, and it will take off. Like today, for example. We got into the world's stupidest discussion about whether wet suits zip up the front or zip up the back. And it's always the stupid stuff. You know how it goes, and we had a debate.

Speaking of that. Men's jockey shorts - you know that little layer in the front that has an opening - is that for ventilation?

That's uhhh... that's for a quickie at the... at the truck stop. So you can do it in the parking lot up against the Peterbilt, uh... with a lot lizard.

Yesterday we weren't able to do this interview because you had to go do a talk show... were you filling in?

Yeah. We have a sister station; it's a talk station. and I asked (KFAN) last summer; I was at lunch with all of the bigwigs and I said "Hey, one day I would like to fill in on the talk station. So, if there's ever an opening in the middle of the night, on a Saturday... whatever, I don't care. Let me know," and the big bosses kind of looked at me like "Huh? yeah, whatever, Ryan." But a couple of months later, the program director from the talk station called and said "Hey, do you want to fill in today?" and I'm like "Yeah!" As a matter of fact, I was going to go see my Dad that weekend in Colorado, and I called my him and I said "Listen, Dad I'm sorry but I have to do this, because if I say no the first time, they may never ask me again. My Dad was totally cool with it, so I filled in. I had a great time; they've asked me back several times.

I've read a lot of comedy reports that you've submitted and your stuff seems to always stand out. What are some of your favorites?

Okay, huge stuff. I'll give you one off the top of my head that we're probably known for. This was not a funny thing at all, but it was huge. When the big floods hit here in 97, everybody was trying to raise money for supplies and things like that, for all these people up in Grand Forks, and we had an idea. When I say "we" I mean "me"... had the idea to get all the radio stations in town to broadcast from one central location, appeal to all of their listeners, and instead of the radio stations working as individuals, we had 30 radio stations all broadcasting from the same street at the same time. We raised 53 semi's full of stuff, and several million dollars in one morning. It was unbelievable. That's one of the things I'm probably more proud of than anything else.

How easy was that?

It was really easy because everybody wanted to help. There were a couple of people that didn't like the idea that one radio station put it together, 'cause they didn't want to have to fall in line behind us. But it was one of those things where everybody pitched in, and the guys that were really cool with it were like "Hey, I don't care who thought of it. It's a good idea. We're all gonna win in this, and it's one of those things everyone can feel good about." So, it worked out really well, and I'd say we put it together within a weekend. We also did the big, huge American flag, like a lot of stations did. We slapped that together within about 48 hours. All the stations who did it, did a great job. I've got to tell ya, I'm really proud of ours because ours was... it's a little bit different. We had ours done with cards rather than (people in) red white and blue t-shirts. So, I think it looked better, but it doesn't matter. I mean, it was one of those things where people felt like they wanted to do something, and we gave them an outlet to do something besides give money. They had a chance to show their support. It was just good, psychologically, for everybody to get involved. We didn't know that anybody would show up, but we had about 7 thousand people show up, with about 24 hours notice. It was just amazing. Schools let kids out to come by and do it. Companies let [employees] off to come and make this big flag. Um... other bits that we've done. Oh, here's one that I think will be highly stolen, and that is the "booty cruise." We get a big luxury boat full of drunken women and male strippers and uh, we're pretty proud of that. We're gonna do that in a couple of weeks... the "booty cruise."

Do things like this get you in trouble at home?

Ya know, my wife is totally cool about stuff. She really gets it. The last thing that I did that got us in trouble was "no-tip Thursday." I had really bad service at a restaurant, and it really got blown way out of proportion. Next thing [we] knew, we were endorsing "no-tip Thursday." Let waiters and waitresses know that they should not expect a tip just for bringing your meal to your table, that we expect them to hustle, so for one day, don't tip anybody. We had the head of the food workers union show up at the radio the lobby, wouldn't leave until he got a meeting with our general manager. It turned out that all these waiters and waitresses were faxing my picture and e-mailing my picture to all their different restaurant chains and locations saying, "Don't serve this guy if he comes in. This is Dave Ryan from KDWB and he bad-mouthed us all, and he's promoting "no-tip Thursday." You can't buy that type of publicity, when people are taking your picture and faxing it to their friends and having meetings at their restaurant all about me, you can't buy that kind of publicity. So, whatever you do, jocks, make up a story about bad service and declare tomorrow "no-tip Thursday."

What is the most emotional phone call you have ever taken on the air?

I think we had one from a little girl who was probably 12 or so. I can't remember all the details, but it started off with us talking about getting picked on in school. She called in and talked about how she was getting picked on at school and she just hates going to school, nobody understands. People tell her to just ignore it. I get a little teary-eyed just thinking about it, because here's a kid, just an innocent kid, and who knows, maybe she wasn't very attractive, but [I] just can't imagine an innocent little kid going through that every day. I think all of us have been picked on at school for one thing or another, some of us more than others.

How have you changed most as a personality since your days in Colorado?

I can tell you exactly. I think I've become a lot more considerate of people's feelings, when a listener takes time to call our show that there's a huge deal to them, and it should be treated that way. I don't want anybody to call our show and be embarrassed, hurt or humiliated on the air. At the same time, I also used to pick on local newscasters that were fat, or local newscasters who had really bad hair. I still do, but I'm not nearly as mean about it, because that hurts. These people have got kids, and friends, and their brother is listening. Ya know, there's just other things to do than to hurt people for a laugh, and I think that's one of the things that I've really changed. Whereas 15 years ago, man, any fat news anchor that was in town where Dave Ryan worked, look out because you were gonna get a parody song written about ya. We were gonna do the top 10 things they ate last night, we were gonna do jokes about their pants beeping when they back up, all that stuff.

How do you make interviews interesting?

I would say in an interview, you have to have a very specific point. Okay, Bob wrote a book about your financial future. I'm already bored. Bob is going to come on and tell you the top 3 things that you need to know so you can retire rich. Now I've got something to hang on to. That's important. I would say never do an interview with someone, [who] when you ask 'em a question, says "yep that's a good question and you can find the answer on page x of my book." If they say that, say "great, thanks, gotta go, buh bye." I would say the other rule, and we've really learned this, never let the author plug their website or their phone number. Never let 'em do it. You should be the only one to ever mention their phone number or their web site.

And you usually will do that at the end of the interview?

Yeah, oh yeah, we do it and if they're really good, we'll mention it a couple of times during the interview.

Do you ever let guests set ground rules?

We actually got that not too long ago, we had interviewed Lance Bass. He wouldn't let us talk about, oh no, let me give you a better one. Freddie Printze Jr. wouldn't let us talk about (who was his girlfriend?) Sara Michelle Geller or his dad. Both of those questions were off limits. Ya know, I can respect that. We might want to know, but if that's gonna kill the interview, then we don't have to do it. However, if that's the only interesting thing about that person, I would just blow it off.

Every show has done one, what was your takeoff on "The Osbournes?"

That's the great thing about services, stealing bits like "what is Ozzy saying?" Ours was a bit about Governor Ventura. We called it "The Venturas," and we did it just like an Osbourne episode, where every other word was fuck, shit and everything. It was just full of bleeps, and that's what really made it funny, hearing the governor's family, ya know, basically swearing all the time.

Was there ever a bit that you wished you had created?

Wow, um... it's the funniest bit that I've heard in 5 years. I think it came from Mojo in Detroit, and that is where, I wonder if I could describe this in short enough that you could actually fit it in the magazine. You go into a Dennys, and you say you have Michael Jordan or a celebrity outside in the limo, and you make all kinds of ridiculous demands. You need the bacon on his plate in the shape of the number 23 and you need this, and you need this... and you've got to have a roped-off booth, and then you have everybody stand outside. Before Michael will get out of the limo and come inside, you need the whole staff to stand beside the limo and clap and chant "Michael, Michael, Michael" and you open the door as if Michael is going to get out of the limo, and you get in, and you leave. That is... I WISH I had thought of that bit. It was the funniest thing!

You did it, though?

We did it, oh yeah, we did it, absolutely, and took full credit.

Which bit was your worst nightmare?

I think I can tell you... Angi, by the way, tells me to tell you how great my co-host is. That would be Angi Taylor... Here's the bit that backfired the worst. We really wanted to do a bit about Survivor, and give away a car. So we did "survive it and drive it," which is the old "live in it and (win it)." We screened the contestants very very carefully. We got a $25k SUV. We put [the contestants] in the car, and thought it would last about 3 weeks. Within 24 hours, it was all over, because one of the guys we picked was a psycho, and he threatened to kill anybody who wouldn't let him win the car. So the others said, "Man, this isn't worth it. I don't want to lose my life over this contest. I quit." So, we came on the air the next morning and they were all gone, and we said, "What happened?" "Well, so and so threatened to kill everybody else in the car." so...

Nothing in the rules about threats? ...and nothing in the rules stated that you couldn't do that.

So, man, let me tell ya, we learned a big lesson from that.

So now there is a psycho driving around in a $25k SUV.

There is a psycho, yeah, well, actually, he couldn't... something about he couldn't afford insurance or something for it, so he sold it back to the dealership.

Did you put him on the air?

Oh yeah, oh yeah. He was great, he was a great winner. When he won, he went ballistic.

Not crazy?

Yeah...

Did he admit to making threats?

Oh yeah, he said "Hey, nobody told me I couldn't do that. He said that it was all part of his strategy."

Other than your great co-host, Angi, who else is on the show?

Jackson, formerly known as Mongo.

Why wouldn't you let him be Mongo?

Because I hate that name. It's the dumbest name I've ever heard in my life.

I thought you'd say "It didn't show up well in the research."

It didn't test well, Don. We called corporate. Yeah 4 respondents felt Mongo was too violent.

What does Angi do?

She does the news, but really news is way, way down on the list of priorities. We do the best news we can, but she is the female on the show. We need that female perspective, and the great thing about Angi is that she is not one of the females that goes "Oh my God, you guys, stop that." She's dirty and nasty and foul and funny and vulgar, and sexy and a riot. She will never say "Oh my god, stop that, that's gross." She will, instead tell jokes. The other day she was talking about how she had to go to the bathroom and she needed a plunger and a plastic knife. That's Angi for ya.

All the qualities you look for in a great co-host?

Absolutely.

Would you say those are qualities that every morning show should look for in a female co-host?

Hey, ya know what, whatever works for ya. There are shows where the female is very sweet and definitely says "Oh my god, you guys stop that, that's gross."

Let me ask - what do you think about the business right now?

Um, in a lot of ways, it's still the same. People bitch and moan and bitch and moan, say that it's changed, and it has, but when it comes right down to it, our job is still the same. We've got to come in every morning, do the most entertaining morning show we can, with what we have available to do it with. If we don't have the big budgets, then, ya know what, that's where the great jocks earn their money - by coming up with something that doesn't cost $20k to do. By coming up with something that will get a great buzz going, or build more listeners, that costs absolutely nothing. Or a $100 rather than $10k.

To that 19-year-old jock in Pueblo Colorado, who is the only live jock in the station, who aspires to make it to KDWB in Minneapolis, what do you say to him?

I say forget about it, you might as well forget about it. You will never ever work outside of Pueblo. No, um, what would I say? I would say um, don't do what everybody else is doing, because you need to make yourself stand out. Find something that makes you different. Um, steal things, but come up with your own stuff. And be willing to just work your ass off. It's what I tell everybody. I tell people when I go speak at broadcasting school, I say "All you've got to be is just a little bit better than everybody else. You don't have to be a genius. I'm not really that funny. I'm not really that smart, but I just try to work a little bit harder than everybody else, and that if you stand just a little bit taller than everybody else in the crowd, you're gonna get noticed."

Let's finish where we began. What's the deal with the popcorn machine?

Well, we don't have one anymore, and it really sucks.

Did you used to have one?

We used to have one, yeah, because the guy who owned the station when I first got here, Larry, owned Midco Theaters, and so Larry, one day, wheeled in a big popcorn machine. We kept it in the radio station.

Is there a specific reason that they don't want to put a popcorn machine in?

I mean, if you explained this the right way and Randy Michaels read this article, you might have a shot. I think that if we would buy just one more media outlet, and that is AMC Theaters, it wouldn't probably be too much of a stretch to get a freakin' popcorn machine in the studio.

Is there some trade-off here that you're willing to offer? Is there something that you are willing to offer Randy Michaels in exchange for a popcorn machine? Something maybe you will do the next time he is in town?

Well, I think any time we get something like that anymore, we have to make sure we get 3 mentions an hour and get airchecks for the client.

If you are willing to offer Randy Michaels something in exchange for that popcorn machine, maybe you'll twist his arm enough to make it happen. Wait, I have a great idea - would you let him do your show for a day and you be his co-host, producer, gofer etc., if he gives you a popcorn machine? Uh, you know, that might be kind of funny.

I will let Randy Michaels do my show for one day and I'll be his sidekick for a popcorn machine.

How many years do you have left on your contract?

Read previous Morning Mouth interviews.

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