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Straight From The Mouth
The Morning Mouth's May Interview with Free Beer & Hot Wings
(Reprinted by permission; Copyright © 2006 Talentmasters Inc.)

Have you always been called Free Beer & Hot Wings?

Ever since we teamed up to do the show, we've been known as Free Beer and Hot Wings. First of all, for most of you who are thinking it, yes, we know it's stupid, but we guarantee, you'll remember it next time you hear it. Originally, it was intended to just be the name of the show, as opposed to actual nicknames kind of like "The Late Show With David Letterman." "The Free Beer & Hot Wings Show with Gregg and Chris." The whole thing started off as a bit of a joke. At the time we were in Omaha which was littered with shows featuring two guys with regular names Bob and Tom, Todd and Tyler, Jack and Fred. We figured if we put an ad in the paper that said, "Tune in Monday for Gregg and Chris," it would've had less draw than a Rosie O'Donnell pin-up shoot. I mean could two names be less memorable than Gregg and Chris? Tune in Monday for Free Beer and Hot Wings seemed like a much more compelling idea and misleading idea. Turns out, we were right about how boring our real names are, since people started calling us Free Beer and Hot Wings. Anyway, nine called Free Beer and Hot Wings.

How about a quick bio on the show?

The Free Beer & Hot Wings Show is now four people. FB, HW, Eric Zane and Producer Joe. Free Beer and Hot Wings were roommates at Central Michigan University. We actually started the show in Omaha, NE. After 5 years there, we went to Knoxville, TN, where Zane was our main competitor. Coincidentally, he also had gone to CMU and graduated from high school with our other college roommate. Small world. Don't burn bridges. Eventually, he left that station (read: got fired) and joined the show as the third host. Our show is unique that way. It's not really a ringleader and a group of bit players. It's more like a quarterback, running back and wide receiver. Anyway, from Knoxville, we took the show to NJ where we were simulcast on WCHR in Monmouth-Ocean and WTHK in Trenton. After two years there, we moved the show back to Michigan. The show now originates from WGRD in Grand Rapids, but is still heard on WCHR and WTHK, as well as WQBJ-WQBK/Albany, New York; WWHQ/Lakes Region, New Hampshire; WWHK/Concord, New Hampshire; and WHXR-WHXQ/Portland, Maine.

Who does what on the show?

Free Beer is the lead, and most of the time the balance for opinions expressed by Hot Wings or Zane. He's also the instigator, devil's advocate, and the set up guy. Hot Wings is the intellectual who normally thinks things through, defends his point with logic, and also does a daily commentary on the show that is one of our biggest benchmarks. Zane, like Hot Wings, is very opinionated. Unlike Hot Wings, his logic is backed up with logic, but a rather a steady cloud of anger. He is also the architect of PA pranks, which has become a staple on the show over the last four years. PA pranks is the old Bart Simpson bit calling Moe at the bar, but done in a way that is closer to the FCC's heart. For example, it was great when a woman said she was looking for a Hugh Jeffencock at the front desk. That looks dumb on paper. Producer Joe is exactly what you'd expect. He's the producer and reluctant stunt guy.

Give us your benchmarks?

We have two daily benchmarks. One is Hot Wings daily commentary. He writes them himself and delivers it twice daily. Its slanted look at contemporary events and people with his own spin and a steady dosage of insults. The other daily benchmark is the Idiot of the Day. Damn, its so elementary and we've tried to get rid of it a couple of times, but listeners, new and old, freak out when we don't do it. We've got three big weekly benchmarks. Dumber than Zane trivia pits our very own vial of Armenian Rage Eric Zane against a listener for cash in a battle of wits, in which most turns both combatants arrive unarmed. Then, we also have PA pranks and the Free Beer Is Sportier than Thou Challenge. The Sportier than Thou game, Free Beers record is 35-1-3 all time, so its become the great dream of listeners to knock him off his perch.

Coolest bit you've did on the air in the last couple of weeks?

PA (public address) Pranks tournament. This bit coincides with college basketballs March Madness. Zane goes into a store with a mini disc recorder and his cell phone. He calls the store and asks for a customer page. i.e. Heywood Jablowme, Bud Vugger, Phil Matwat, etc. (Go to freebeerandhotwings.com and click on PA Pranks for more). We take the best 64 every year and have a tournament, complete with brackets. Listeners vote via the web site. Some of the favorites who did not win were Bo Nertasuck, Todd Lerfondler, Boyd Ickinme, Igar Guljiz and Lou Sbutthole. This year's tournament winner was Ila Vanul! Vanul dismantled the highly-touted Eilleen Backenswallow in a spirited contest. We had t-shirts printed with the brackets filled out on the back of them.

Things you want to forget?

We'd like to forget the OM who said we didn't sound Southern enough when we worked in Knoxville, even though he didn't mind when he hired us. I like to forget any of the times we tried to do scripted bits with characters. They are not within our skill set. We suck at it. Oh, and the PD who said one thought per break. That was stupid. Were not for jumping around like an idiot from one topic to the next, but when was the last time you were at the bar with friends and said, hey, lets be careful to only talk sports until the next round of drinks come, then well segue to hot chicks.

Closest you've come to getting fired?

Well, in Knoxville, Free Beer was pretty much in good shape, Hot Wings almost got fired, and Zane did get fired. The OM and his toady, our PD, were looking for a way to cut budget so that they could get a bonus they didn't deserve and they thought a good way would be to fire Hot Wings. They told Free Beer and Zane and even though they weren't supposed to, they told Hot Wings. We were all pissed and demanded a sit down with the GM. Unfortunately, during the meeting, Zane told the GM that the whole situation was horseshit and then elbowed him on the way out of the room. That's when Zane got fired for insubordination. We got the hell out of there a couple of months later and reconvened in NJ.

You're on 7 stations now, including one former Stern station. What have you learned so far?

Our syndication has been a gradual process that's been progressing for the past 3 and years. When it began, we were on WTHK in Trenton, NJ, and WCHR in Monmouth-Ocean, NJ. Once this started we could not be local. So, we talked state-wide stuff, Philly stuff, NY stuff. Once we moved to Michigan, WTHK and WCHR kept the show and we picked up more. Since we had been practicing at syndication in NJ, the transition was relatively simple. Were learning that the audience will accept an out-of town-show if its relatable and funny. he keep me entertained for three quarter hours? Also, if youre relatable enough to the audience theyll eventually think of you as their local show. Who cares that Jim Romes in L.A.? The audience knows him because of how he relates to his audience. The guys filthy rich but you'd never know it because he seems like a real dude.

Which shows do you steal -- I mean inspire you most?

We've borrowed and stolen from a lot from Dwyer and Micheals in the Quad Cities; Ace and TJ out of Charlotte, Jeff and Jer (who doesn't steal from them?), JohnJay and Rich in Arizona, and Wank and O'Brien in Indy. There are a lot more. In fact, Im sure were leaving some off. If you didn't see your name here, its because of the editors.

A full day to spend with any show in America, who would it be?

Jim Rome.

A year from now Howard Stern will be...

Free Beer: Missing the days of regular radio, but still loaded with cash and doing great. Opie and Anthony will be either back on just XM or CBS. I'm not sure which, but theyll also still be loaded with cash.

Hot Wings: A year from now Howard Stern will be not care what we think. Opie and Anthony will be giggling on their piles of money, still marveling that they managed to get it from XM and regular radio simultaneously. David Lee Roth will be doing radio interviews highlighting new ways he's found to incorporate the phrases shimmy, shimmy Cocoa Pop and Lightning bolt in your Cheerios into any topic, so long as it involves him talking about himself.

Eric Zane: A year from now Howard Stern will be throwing another stack of $1000 dollar bills onto the fire to warm the mansion on a cold Spring morning (see bit on being relatable). A year from now Opie and Anthony will be spending another 10 minutes on the air making fun of our stupid show name. David Lee Roth will be playing some casino in Butte, Montana (Thunderbolt in your Cheerios, my ass!).

Strange jobs you had before radio?

For Free Beer, it was definitely working at the bottle return in Michigan, processing cans filled with tobacco and human excrement. Hot Wings worked at a heavy duty exhaust clamp factory. Strange jobs you had before getting into radio. Zane was a gargoyle, paid to scare off birds from federal buildings.

Dumbest advice you ever got?

When we first got to NJ, our consultant suggested that a good way to endear us to the listeners would be to do spoof songs making fun of the towns in the listening audience. Yeah. What person wouldn't want to hear 3 out-of-towners mocking the towns they've lived in their whole lives? Great way to make friends.

Reach them at freebeer@wgrd.com

Read previous Morning Mouth interviews.

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