Straight From the Mouth

I was a kid and we would sit and listen to "The Shadow" and "Inner Sanctum." I've always loved the more theatrical side of radio. I think what's different about my show. I don't think of it as a presentation type show. I look at every morning as a three dimensional theatrical piece. We have characters and it's theater.

Did Mancow start in the traditional dee-jay ilk? Did you start as Mancow?

I had several stupid names. I had several different personas. People might find it hard to believe, but in San Francisco when I started WILD 107, which was a concept that I came up with, with another guy. In fact, the name was my idea. Then we brought in Rick Thomas, who I thought was amazing. What a bad mother fucker this guy was, Don. This guy had everyone on the staff wearing military fatigues. He gave all of us "The Art of War." We went through KMEL's trash. We faxed people. We called people. We broke windows. We keyed cars. We went up on a cherry picker and I would broadcast from in front of their window in the morning.

Were you enjoying or fretting this?

No, I loved it. I loved it and I still feel that way today. This is war. Absolutely, it's war every single morning. I guarantee you that if you are on the radio in Chicago I hate your guts. It's absolutely the way I feel. And anything else is stupid.

You once described your show as the Lion's Den, is it still that?

Absolutely, even more so. You know, I've been sued a couple of times but only by other personalities. This is not a game to me. I am the number one guy in Chicago. This is a big city. There are million of dollars at stake. People will throw anything at me to try to destroy me. I have to be on my game at every second. It's really harrowing. I don't mean to take this too seriously. Let me tell you something, every morning my studio is like that scene in "Platoon" when Charlie Sheen lands. That's it. It's Vietnam everyday. Is this the same attitude that you instill in people that work with you? I guarantee that there is nobody that has worked for me or with me that isn't a changed human being.

What are you like as an employee?

Look, what people have to realize is the PD's are failed radio personalities, Okay? So you have to take what they say as a grain of salt. I certainly listen to PD's, but only as a respect type thing. My real PD, and the masses are asses, certainly, but it's the bar, it's the mall, this sort of thing. I don't care about some Jack sitting with his laptop. I'm high touch, not high tech. I'm about the human experience.

Was there ever a job in radio that you failed to get that still has you miffed?

Yeah, I wanted to be in Promotions. I wanted to be a Promotions Director. I have a degree in Public Relations. That was what I wanted to do. I was hired to do Promotions at KSLI in Kansas City, "More Music, More Fun." They started putting me on the air. Then people started asking for me and that's how it happened.

Is there anyone who can say they discovered Mancow? Is there anyone you think of as a mentor?

You know something, it's an interesting thing, I don't think so. I think there is a certain circle of ass kissing that goes on. "You're great." "No, you're great." "No, no you're great." And it's this giant circle that I'm not into. I have always felt like an outsider in radio. I've always felt that people want you to be good, but surely not better than them. This good old buddy deal, is it a good old buddy? Sure, but not when you're taking food out of my mouth.

Anyway, look, I probably had one mentor, Scott Shannon. Then what happened is, a rumor went around, falsely, and I called Scott. It was kind of a tearful night, and I was at a crossroads in my life. I said, "Scott, I really wonder could I make it in New York. What's going to happen to me?" And he was very truthful with me. We had a very meaningful conversation. You know, he was very encouraging. And the next day, Evergreen (his former station's owner), announced that they were buying a station. I had no idea. They announced it without my knowledge and it never happened. Whatever station it ended up being was Darian O'Toole. They announced and said it was going to be stuff that is very uncomfortable, where it was totally innocent on my part. Here we are having a heart to heart talk, and it is business and there are egos involved. I find it very tough.

Were you ever able to clear up the misunderstanding?

I think Scott and I have worked it out.

How would you describe your show?

I feel like I innovate and others regurgitate. I wish more people would try to do more unique things... I shake my head, this attitude of, "we're hip, we just wing it." I hear that from a lot of people, whether we are talking about Boot Camp or whatever. Let me tell you something, "Seinfeld" was the most rehearsed show in history, more than a 100 hours of rehearsal before every TV show. This is what Jason Alexander told me. I consulted on this "Freak Show" movie, that Jason Alexander narrated. We had him promote it. They had more writers than any other show in history. And people are like, "Yeah, we talk about 'nothing' like 'Seinfeld.'" It irritates me. People don't realize the amount of work, hours and hours of work, by many people for every half hour of my show.

What time does your day start?

I get up at 2:30 in the morning.

What about to and from the station?

I leave between 4:30 and 5:00; get back between 2:00 and 3:00.

What do you think about on your ride to the station every morning?

I think about that it's a big city. I think that all of these people are listening. I think it's time to slay the dragon again. That's a great question.

Has success changed you at all? I mean, obviously you were like a lot of guys, at one point in your life, thinking about the big time, the big money, fame, all those things, and now you're there. Has it changed you?

Let me tell you something, Don. When you fool around with your girlfriend, and the lights are out, I mean I love sex, but pretty much it all feels the same. The erogenous zone, you learn, really is between your ears. It's your mind. But the fact is, it's all the same. I got to tell you something. I don't care if you are doing a show in Oklahoma or New York or Chicago, it's all the same. Nothing has changed. It's the same. You know what I mean? Nothing has changed. The paychecks have changed, certainly. It means I won't have to get old and embarrass myself on the radio. It means I won't have to be a bloated oaf sitting around in my Hawaiian shirt, talking about when I use to have talent. I have really kept an "eye of the tiger" sort of attitude, where I'm living the same. I still like the same stupid stuff.

When Alex Rodriguez got his 250 million plus, many turned against him, the press, the fans, etc. Did you catch any grief from listeners when you signed your five million a year deal? Did anybody e-mail or write?

I had a cabbie take me into an alley. I have a pretty regular route and system. The same thing happened to the guy that got shot in New York. I had a guy pull a gun on me. He took me down an alley, a couple blocks from my house. It's 4:30 in the morning and he's shaking and crying, "I thought you were one of us, man, you're a sell out."

What happened next?

Well, I talked him down. Here's the thing that nobody understands. It was kind of an evil move by, what was Evergreen Media. They matched the money, it wasn't about the money. So, it was never about money. I was going to make the same no matter where I went. The reason I went to Q101 was because of one person, a guy named Rick Cummings, who is brilliant. We had a company culture at Evergreen, that was glad handing, back slapping, lie after lie. Don, I'm telling you that I was an animal when I came over to Emmis. "Hey, I need a hundred t-shirts." "Okay." "No, I need a hundred fuckin' t-shirts. I need t-shirts. I'm going to the head of the company." "Mancow, you got a hundred t-shirts." "Yeah, I better get them." Yeah, I was working a system with all those old hacks. There were eight other morning shows, or how ever many, on that floor. You remember what I'm talking about. I had to fight for everything. I was fighting for the nipple. I was the wild badger fighting for mama's nipple. So, here is Emmis, which means truth. These people have been honest, they do whatever they say, that kind of a thing. It has just been a beautiful situation.

Any regrets?

No, God, it's been great. To get back to the money thing. I just want to make it clear. There's a saying that your staff is only five words away from selling you out. All someone has to say on the street is, "you're better than (insert DJ name here)." I hope people don't see that number and say, "Oh, I hate him." The point is, I was a van guy. I was doing van hits in the mid-90's, making 6 bucks an hour. If I can do it, anyone can do it. You have to work. You have to have a work ethic.

When it first hit you that you had just signed a five million dollar deal, was there a point on the drive home that you yelled out "Oh my God!"

Yes, of course. I say it everyday. I lost my father to cancer. I come from probably the greatest gift that radio has given me. That's a fact.

You are a regular on "Fox & Friends." In fact you do a lot of TV.

Everyday... I've done maybe 60 episodes of "Hannity & Colmes." I've done the "O'Reilly Factor" and I did Craig Kilborn. I think I'm going to do more with Craig Kilborn. I did "Politically Incorrect."

What was that like?

It was okay. Bill Maher reminds me of Dr. Evil. I think I kicked all forms of ass, including hyena. USA is working on a Mancow TV show. We did a hundred episodes of Mancow TV.

Is TV where you're headed?

You know, that's not my bag. The offers have come, "Sex Wars," "The New Dating Game" and "The People vs. Mancow Muller," and all these little TV shows that I have been offered or flown out and talked to. I love radio.

Tell me about your staff?

Turd the Bartender. He basically serves up the booze and is our good will ambassador out on the street. There's Luv Cheez. He's a type of producer. There's a girl we call Freak's Niece, and she's the girl du jour. We go through about a girl a week. They get offended and leave. There's Freak, our traffic guy, who's a former member of Pantera. There's Big Al Roker, Jr. He does the sports. There's Brian the Big Gay Mule. That's it. Oh wait, there's Prison Bitch. Oh yeah, and Period Face.. .yeah, he's got red stains on his face. Like he was standing too close at a bris or munching some tainted box.

How have you managed to continually beat Stern?

The secret is I bloodied his nose. That's what you do with a school yard bully. Mark and Brian, who's whole act was, "we're honest, we're honest, we're the new DJ's." People would call and ask if they had heard this new guy from New York and they would say, "No, never." They did that and they hid. When he came to Chicago, I beat the hell out of him. I sent a helicopter over his studios and pissed on him. I followed him in the car from his mansion in Long Island to his studio. I freaked him out. He called the cops on me. There were legal papers filed. I'm telling you that I got in his face. I sent him butt plugs. And I got him off his game. He was use to everybody hiding... not me.