Straight From the Mouth

Oh sorry Connie just hit me. I guess that's bad to say. I am sure my sisters butt wouldn't be as nice as Connie's.

So there was some physical attraction?

Connie: Nope. Can't swear on it. Fish will feed you a line of B.S. I will tell you the truth. We hooked up for a whole two weeks. Over 10 years ago. Then decided that there was something special about our friendship, chemistry, business relationship and didn't want to blow all that. Now, we're just family. Some people have a hard time understanding the closeness. I just tell them that he's the person I've spent every birthday, Christmas, etc. with for the past almost 11 years. And it's all because I choose to.

Fish: No I can't swear that. She wanted me. Who wouldn't? My nickname was Farley I weighed in at nearly 300 lbs. and had no game. Who wouldn't want this. Actually, I think that Connie is one of the most naturally beautiful women I have ever met in my life so I had the hots for her for years. She never really felt like that for me till she got to know me. Now though it would be like hooking up with a sister. Listeners say all the time that we should marry but she and I wanna puke at the thought of kissing let alone going for a trip down "happy valley."

Something smells funny -- how does one get named Fish?

Fish: I first got on the air in Omaha and there was a guy that already had my name. Connie came up with the name Fish (it's part of my last name) and it stuck. I actually freak out when people call me by my real name now... it just sounds weird to me.

Connie's name is first on the marquee. Was that a strategic move, or a threat?

Fish: That's a respect thing. Connie runs the show and is, in my opinion, the best natural talent I have ever heard on the air and it sounds better. Connie isn't about all of that. She doesn't care who's name goes first, she really doesn't. It sounds better and I think hers should be first. She really is amazing on the air and makes my job really easy. I get paid great money for making cheesy jokes and talking to my best friend every morning. That's no joke, by the way, we really are best friends which makes this job so easy.

Connie: Honestly, I was doing a show and he joined me. I really was just logical. I've got to tell you though, it's kind of funny how many male PD's and OM's and GM's freak out by it and still think I'm some sort of sidekick or laugh girl. That is, until they actually hear the show.

Fish: Are you saying I'm a laugh girl?

Connie: No. You don't laugh much.

Fish: So what the hell am I?!

Connie: Great eye-candy for me to look at every day. Oh yeah, and thanks for picking up my cappy every morning too.

Fish: I knew it. She wants me.

Connie: Ok. I've gotta take a break here. I'm feeling a little vomitous.

In over ten years I've never asked about a studio. And being that this interview is read by millions (plus or minus... millions), best and worst part of your setup. And if Jon Riley (PD) is reading this, what does he need to go out and buy for your studio?

Fish: Best part: the power works. Worst part. There is a lot of stuff I would love to see in our studio. I talked with Bob Dumas (from the Showgram who also works for a CC station) at Boot Camp and I think our theories on morning radio are very similar and I have heard of his set up and it's funny as he was telling me about it I was thinking "we want that and that and that and that." Then I day dreamed about pushing him off the building and taking his gig. I mean... I said "nice talking to you. let's keep in touch." Yeah that's what I meant.

Connie: Best part: We just got new chairs (I'm not joking). We have a delay (wouldn't do a show without one!). And, It's away from sales people. Worst part: No place for a call screener. No place for bands to set up. We only have 3 phone lines for listeners and they're always full. No soundproofing. Other jocks messing around with the skimmer and screwing it up and us not realizing it until after our show didn't record the next day. As

Most bizarre thing that ever happened in your studio?

Fish: Connie got me a stripper for my birthday, good best friend gesture, and as she was giving me a lap dance I noticed that she had about 50 white head pimples on the booty. I wanted to do a giveaway where we let listeners pop them for prizes but the stripper got a little mad and decided to leave. At that point I just thanked God that it was a lap dance not a mustache ride (gag).

Bit that almost got you fired?

Fish: I never thought that I would say this again but I will share this story because you are a good snuggler and I am hoping this may get me a hug from Robert Alan next time I see him at Boot Camp. I will admit that I am not the smartest person in the world so when I heard that one of Connie's old college nicknames was Connie-Lingus. I didn't think anything of it. I didn't know what it meant. So when I first started doing afternoons with Connie in Omaha and rattled through her old nicknames (with no delay) and said that, one our old GM's almost drove off the road as she turned around and almost fired me. She was being sensitive because the week before I had said that I thought that Tracey Chapman looked like Buckwheat in the Fast Car video. Think about it... doesn't she?

Connie: I've gotta tell ya. Every flippin day of the year I almost get fired. Or, I have to be the one to ensure that it doesn't happen. Have you met Fish?

Dream prep meeting: You get to put any personalities/producers together at a table before you go on the air. Who are they?

• Stern (Connie choice)
• Spike From Mojo's Show (Fish's choice)
• Jon Reiley (he's our PD and both of our choices... best instigator ever)
• And a couple people who have nothing to do with radio. That's where the real part comes in...

What do you think about on the way to work?

Connie: About the fact that it's our job to get everyone else to work. That's what we always hear from listeners... they couldn't get to work otherwise. I like the pressure. It gives me game face.

Fish: I like to relax and not overthink. Let my mind clear. It's really that simple. I don't think you should overthink things. I think that clouds jocks and makes them sound cheesy.

Connie: Are you high?

Fish: Huh?

Connie: That's what I thought.

What do you think about most of the time?

Fish: "Can Connie and I could use this on the air?" "Would that be a good bit?" For the past Ten plus years Connie has been on me to relax and not always think about work. I can't help it I love what we do... by the way, she does that too.

Connie: No I don't.

Fish: Yes you do.

Connie: I know how to relax you are always so high strung.

Fish: No I am not.

Connie: Yes you are.

Fish: Do you really think so.

Connie: Yes.

Fish: Can I have a hug or do you wanna make -- out or something.

Connie: Shut up fish.

Fish: Ok.

Lots of dance shows on TV. Which of you would make it past the first round on "Dancing With The Stars?"

Fish: Connie loves to dance and would make it further.

Connie: Correction. Connie has rhythm!

Fish: Whatever. Ask my girlfriend if I have no rhythm.

Connie: Don't have to. I've got an e-mail from her right here.

Fish: Seriously though, I am no athlete and Connie used to be a basketball player, a softball player and one of those real high school cheerleaders... the ones that are hard core. State Championships and all that crap. So she would be the best.

Connie: Thank you.

Fish: Can I see that e-mail?!

Fish: The Pope. I am not super religious but I have seen him on TV and I think he could really dance. I am not gay or anything but I think that would be a good time and get great ratings. The pope dancing with a guy named Fish... it really works.

Connie: Ok. First off, Fish doesn't have a religious bone in his body. I bet he couldn't even tell you the Pope's name! No. I know that he couldn't tell you the Pope's name. What's the Pope's name, Fish?

Fish: (silence...)

Connie: See? Told ya. OK. Second off, I hate that show. I could care less about reality TV or the people who used to be stars and can't act anymore, so they're done. Ok, other than being on "Dancing With the Stars."

Connie, okay, brace the doors. Why aren't there more females main-hosting on radio?

Connie: Thanks a lot. This is not gonna make be popular. I have so many answers to this question, but I'll try to keep it brief. I think it really depends on which way you are looking at that question. From management's standpoint, I don't think that some people who hold management positions (GM's, OM's, PD's) trust or think a woman can run the show. Now, let me say this. It's definitely not all management. It's some. Maybe it's because that's just the way it's "always been" and they think it's the way it "always should be." Or, they've been in the business since Marconi and that's all they know. Of course, not all GM's, OM's or PD's feel that way. Only, the sexist, pig-headed, old school, afraid of change ones. If you fit that description and I'm offending you, oh well. I wouldn't ever want to work for you anyway. Now, that being said, from the female standpoint, I really think the bigger fault lies on some of the women's shoulders. After about a year in this business and seeing what it was about, I made a few decisions. There were certain things that I decided that I didn't want to do... I didn't want to be the "token" female on any radio station. I don't want to slam gigs here, but we all know where stations will, in general, put their women. I didn't want that. And I haven't done it in 12 years. I don't think that women in radio need to try to be like the men. I also think it's crazy for a lot of Managers of female driven formats to not have a person who is actually in the demo without a serious role in the show. I think, since we are the minority in this business, we have to set goals for ourselves and know what we'll accept and what we won't. I think we need to stick to them. I think we need to trust ourselves and our instincts. And, I applaud any male manager who is not afraid of hiring a team with a female lead. That's why Fish and I have been at Z now for almost 6 years. Our GM did something that many others before him were afraid of. And look what happened.

Fish: (Gee)... Are you getting your period?

There's an old sport's legend that fooling around (nekkid cha cha) before a game takes its toll on your overall performance. Is that true for radio?

Fish: I think getting some on the way to work would help a little more.

Connie: He never thinks about anything but sex. Oh yeah, and Taco Bell.

Fish: Oh yeah... Mmmm Taco Bell... don't tease me Connie ... I love me some Taco Bell.

Connie: (Gee)...

Fish: But think about it Connie, wouldn't it be great to be able to combine the two... sex and Taco Bell.

Connie: Here we go.

Fish: You could call it... eating the taco!

Connie: You need therapy.

People you want to thank?

Fish: OK. Some of the people that we love for whatever reason are: Robert Alan, John Gehron, Jon Reiley, Kent Bergstrom, Tommy BoDean, Vicki Jacoba, Bill Stewart, Free Beer and Hot Wings, Keith Curry, Joel Denver...

Connie: My God! You sound like you're at the Oscar's!

Fish: Well, in that case, I'd like to thank my mother for making home movies of my creation and showing them to my friends and at my high school graduation.

Connie: It certainly explains a lot, doesn't it?

Fish: What?

Connie: Nevermind. Time to go. Thanks Mouth!